Journey to Kazooland [pt.1]

“AVAST Y-Y-Y-YE SCURVY SEA DOG!” Rabbit bellowed, swinging a wood cutlass at Hatchworth as she bounced from the bed onto the couch.

“Nuh-uh! I don’t have scurvy! I eat plenty of oranges!”

The Spine lowered his paper a little to glare at his siblings from his own bed, counting down the seconds until the couch would break under their weight. He wasn’t too pleased about having to share a chamber with them this evening since theirs were being redecorated after a spate with a rogue flamethrower attachment, but it was relatively guaranteed they’d stay out of trouble and not have too many nightmares. He returned to the tabloid and licked his thumb before turning the page. At least things were slowly returning to normal after his and Rabbit's 'adventure' the previous month following the return of an old nemesis in the form of a crazed, green matter powered cyborg.

He nearly jumped out of his silver skin when a loud crack and two robotic screams pierced the air.

“Alright you two, that’s quite enough!” Peter VI snapped from the doorway.

“I did warn them, sir…”

“Hatchworth! You ruined my p-pirate ship, ya big d-d-dummins!”

“I’m not a dummins, you stuttering nincompoop!”

They screeched and lunged at each other, prompting Spine to step forward and grab them by the scruffs of their necks and held them aloft still kicking and swinging their fists.

“Thank you, The Spine. Now. Onto more important matters. Have any of you seen my blue-matter cuff links?”

Rabbit and Hatchworth quietened down, exchanging suspicious looks.

“I need those cuff links for the Cavalcadium gathering tonight and I can’t find them anywhere!” he continued, rummaging through the drawers of the bureau and peering under plant pots.

“B-b-but you have loads of c-cuff links! Why can’t you use another pair?” Rabbit fiddled with her hands shyly, still hanging from Spine’s gripped fist.

“Because, Rabbit, they’re a very specific pair. And a precious heirloom! I can’t waltz into the Cavalcadium midnight dinner wearing a simple gold pair. They’ll think me a proletarian!”

“I think Master Peter means the buried treasure, Rabbit!” Hatchworth whispered to his sister, earning a stern glance from Spine.

“Petes! Are you nearly ready? We have to go!” Michael called out as he paced into the room to find the young master.

“I would be ready if I could find my bothersome blue-matter cuff links, Mister Reed!” Peter retorted, becoming more agitated by the minute.

“Perhaps-QWERTY-can-be-of-assistance?” QWERTY dithered. He swung his screen down low from his mobile unit and barely missed the group by inches.

“QWERTY be careful!”

The AI got awfully muddled and backed up frantically before glitching out and sending out an array of spindly arms. Peter got snagged by a few of them and was lifted into the air screaming as the arms started rummaging through his pockets and shaking him upside down. The robots watched in stunned silence, not knowing whether to laugh or to scoop up the pennies and buttons that flew out of Peter’s pockets.

“ERROR-ERROR-ERROR!”

Spine dropped his siblings on the ground and reached up to grab QWERTY by the stabilisers to force him out of the glitch. The arms released Peter and he fell face first into a crumpled whimpering heap on the floor.

“Darn it, QWERTY! What have I told you about being stupid!”

“Not-2-B?” QWERTY responded shyly.

“Oh no!” Rabbit and Hatchy chimed in. Peter smiled slightly, thinking they were being ever so thoughtful about his well-being. They rushed forward and, much to his surprise and disdain, went straight past him and cuddled up to QWERTY who was still glitching and stammering with a very sad face on his screen.

“Poor QWERTY!”

“P-poor QWERTY!? What about poor Peter!” he seethed angrily, “That is IT! QWERTY, you’re being put back in the Hall of Wires in a fixed station! Permanently!”

“No!” The robots protested in unison.

“Oh yes, it’s high time QWERTY stops running riot around the manor and he certainly isn’t needed in your chambers! And it’s also high time for you three to learn how to function on your own!” Peter growled, dragging the mobile AI back to the Hall of Wires.

The robots sank onto their beds in a gloomy heap.

“Poor QWERTY…” Hatchworth sighed.

“Th-that’s so unfair!” Rabbit cried out.

“For once, I actually agree with you” Spine breathed a small cloud of steam, “That was uncalled for.”

“Now, now you three. You know Peter’s just doing what’s best for the manor. QWERTY will be better off in the Hall of Wires,” Michael soothed, placing an arm around Hatchworth, “It’ll take time getting used to him not being around as much, but you’ll get the hang of functioning independently eventually.”

“Michael?”

“Yeah?”

“The buried treasure…” Hatchworth mumbled meekly, holding Six’s cuff links out in his hand.

“The cuff-links! Oh thank you, Hatchy,” Michael smiled widely and gently took the cuff links, “Now you three be good while we’re out.”

“We will,” Spine huffed irately.

“You won’t b-b-b-be long, will y-y-you?”

“Of course not. Look after the manor and each other, alright? Try not to burn or break anything,” Michael called over his shoulder before disappearing into the corridor.

Spine folded his arms, tapping a bicep impatiently with a single finger, and stared at the floor. It was highly inconvenient for him now that QWERTY was gone having been so used to using the AI’s mobile unit to surf the net whenever he pleased. He glanced up and noticed Rabbit and Hatchworth staring at him. He shifted uncomfortably as they inched closer.

“What? What do you…”

He was interrupted as a book was shoved into his face.

“It ai-ai-ain’t b-bedtime without st-story!”

“You are joking, surely.”

“Aww, c’mon friendo! It’s just the one story!”

“Ugh. Fine!” Spine grumbled. At least it meant they’d go into stasis a little earlier. He hoped.

He pried the book from their hands and glanced at the cover. ‘Peter Pan? Really!? They’ve read this a million times already…’

Spine leaned back on the pillows, reluctantly allowing Rabbit and Hatchworth to settle either side of him and nuzzle into his shoulders as he turned to the first page.

“All children, except one, grow up…” he began.